I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
