Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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