omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
