i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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