She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
