Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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