You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My dick has a subreddit
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
