Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
