I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
