my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize