You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i've created a new STD.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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