I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
