those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
dude i'm inner monologue high
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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