Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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