he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
