dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
