I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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