Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
