I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
