My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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