She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
