no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
