This dress was meant to end up on your floor
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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