She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
