genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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