the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
