how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
