I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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