at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
