Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
