pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
