I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
