Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
