Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
