We won't sleep together?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
