That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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