suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
