Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize