I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
