He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
