why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
