You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
