Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
