nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Success! We fucked roommates!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
