Just took my morning after pill in the library
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
