Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
