I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
don't judge my taste in strippers
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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