Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
