my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
