I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
