New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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