FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
