booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
