There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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