The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
