I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize