so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
