Christians are straight up FREAKS
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
