why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Two words: blizzard sex
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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