Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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