My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
