I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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