i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
