I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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