I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
