she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
