I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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